she smelled like a LAN party
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
