so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
