I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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