hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
