hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
