This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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