I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
