Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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