I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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