I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
