So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
