Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
