she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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