Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
