you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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