I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
