Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
