He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I need to sanitize my soul.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
