Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
