NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
