I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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