as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
