Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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