I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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