i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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