oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
