Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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