Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
