This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
