I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.