your room smells of hookers.
And success
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
