He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
