You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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