Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
