He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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