I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
