they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
