one might say we're banned from that church
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap