I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...