I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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