how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he was CRYING into my vagina
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
