who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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