God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
