I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
