I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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