There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
