New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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