Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
