I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
