Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
if only i could text you this smell
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
