Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Randomize
