He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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