Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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