Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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