To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
