something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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