oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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