we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
