just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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