Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Randomize
