I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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