I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
