That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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